I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
