haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
