i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
