I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
