Nicole vs. Life
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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