WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
