The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize