Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
