Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize