if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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