i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
