Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
