OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
