My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
