So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
