I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
