He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
