i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
