Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
