You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
