I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
