everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
