just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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