We named our party play list daddy issues
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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