Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
