He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
