if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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