dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
