i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize