I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize