don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
