i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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