dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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