My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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