Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
