If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
