i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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