wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
