How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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