He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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