Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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