I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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