he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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