Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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