My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize