Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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