He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
