If i come over, it means nothing
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
