I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you never un-have a 4some
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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