I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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