i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
