Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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