I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
