when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you inspire me to be a worse person
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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