I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
