Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
