She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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