what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
