here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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