walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
