Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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