just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
