I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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