Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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