Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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