i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
