Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
