Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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