I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize