this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize