well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
