So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
