her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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