if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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