I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
