I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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