phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
there is puke in my bra ... again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
