You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
