my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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