she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
