My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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