$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
