I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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