JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
