There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
